I have really been struggling. I have had 2 crying sessions now bc I feel like a failure. My workouts have not been good. I have felt like the only positive thing to focus on has been the fact I am actually working out period. I know it’s all me and I am in charge of my thoughts, but it’s really tough.
I am a positive person, but now I am scared. I’m afraid I can’t do it anymore. It’s that thought…”what if I can’t do it?”…That is a VERY powerful thought. WHen you feel like you can do anything you put your mind to, then think of the possibility that you might not be able to. That is really scary and can really fuck with your head.
I’m trying to push through, but I have recognized the fact that I need help. I am trying to have conversations with friends to help me STOP my own crazy thoughts that are self deprecating. I have had pressure bc the half marathon is in ONE MONTH. I have not been able to run 3 miles or more since my 5K in October. I feel like that is ridiculous. I should be running at least 5 or 6 by now. But should I? That’s the thing, I don’t really know how much I should have progressed at this point. I just feel like I should be further along.
3.5 has been talking to me. I trust him, so he makes me feel better. And hell, he’s 3.5! 
He said I should stop focusing on my miles and work toward making each workout longer. He also said if I need to walk, then walk, and run again. Today I went to the gym with friends. It helped alot. I did much better than the day before. I only did about 3 miles on the treadmill and I walked some of it, but I did it! I know it’s not great and definitely not a big leap towards a half marathon, but I feel like I need to give myself some slack and just do my best. I never intended to run the whole 13 miles, but I want to run my best run that day.
I gave myself a sticker on my workout calendar today. I’m trying to bring the positivity back.
