proud today

I got up today thinking it would be raining. It WASNT! I decided that I would go run outside. I have created a little fear about running outside these days. It’s ridiculous, bc I started running outside and ran outside only up until a couple of months ago. I am usually afraid that I wont be able to run as much as I would like bc it’s harder to run outside. That mental thing again! lol

For P 90 X it’s a Yoga day, so I decided to run outside. I ran downtown and to the river. I ran the river trail and came back to San Jacinto. Overall it was about 50 minutes of running. I did walk some in there, but I did not let that discourage me! I think not getting down on myself is the big winner today!

I plan to do the Yoga X tonight, but we will see. I’m pretty beat in the evenings. I have meetings EVERY DAMN night of the week. I need my down time, so if exercising is supposed to happen at night, it probably wont happen for me. It’s Yoga, so hopefully I can do that tonight to relax.

I bought some new workout clothes! The gear always gets you motivated right?

I want to go weigh today or tomorrow. Im feeling pretty good about how I look these days. That is ALWAYS great!

Im BAAaCK!

My last post was disgusting. How pathetic. It was true though. I am learning more and more how you have to work through the mental stuff. I was in a bad place. I realized that I needed some sort of success. I found my success and changed the way I was thinking. I knew I needed the smallest thing to feel good about. For me, that was just not feeling like a bog old piece of shit after my workout. I decided that I would be proud of myself. There you have it. Sounds simple right? Like something I have done for months? lol It pretty much is….

The mental struggles are the same. You just get better at what you are doing. Then, you raise your expectation of yourself. It’s really the same mental battle. YOU have to learn how to keep winning. “let your mind run your body, not your body run your mind” right?

Since my self-deprecating, I have done a mini tri at the gym. i swam 20 minutes, cycled 30 minutes and ran 20 minutes. On the run I was pretty beat. I had to walk some of it, but I felt great! It was my first tri experience. Granted it was in the gym and more time in between events, but it was cool. I was super proud of myself. I have also checked out some books and DVD’s from the library. I checked out P90X! It’s pretty damn cool. I am trying to work those work outs into my schedule. This is becoming a challenge, bc the better you get and want to create endurance, you need more time to exercise. Time is not my friend this semester. I have evening meetings EVERY NIGHT! It sucks. I am also job searching.

I was really stressed about the half marathon. I’m not now. I’m a little anxious, but I have decided to do what I can with where I am on that day. Worst case scenario I can walk a lot of it. I hope to record my longest run that day – along with the other 15,000 runners!   It’s all about attitude folks!

I’ve lost weight and people are noticing! I LOVE IT! It’s more fun this way, meaning working toward a race and not a weight or size goal. That part is just happening and it’s nice.

I’m trying. It will be interesting to see what adventures are ahead!

slef deprecating

I have really been struggling. I have had 2 crying sessions now bc I feel like a failure. My workouts have not been good. I have felt like the only positive thing to focus on has been the fact I am actually working out period. I know it’s all me and I am in charge of my thoughts, but it’s really tough.

I am a positive person, but now I am scared. I’m afraid I can’t do it anymore. It’s that thought…”what if I can’t do it?”…That is a VERY powerful thought. WHen you feel like you can do anything you put your mind to, then think of the possibility that you might not be able to. That is really scary and can really fuck with your head.

I’m trying to push through, but I have recognized the fact that I need help. I am trying to have conversations with friends to help me STOP my own crazy thoughts that are self deprecating. I have had pressure bc the half marathon is in ONE MONTH. I have not been able to run 3 miles or more since my 5K in October. I feel like that is ridiculous. I should be running at least 5 or 6 by now. But should I? That’s the thing, I don’t really know how much I should have progressed at this point. I just feel like I should be further along.

3.5 has been talking to me. I trust him, so he makes me feel better. And hell, he’s 3.5! 

He said I should stop focusing on my miles and work toward making each workout longer. He also said if I need to walk, then walk, and run again. Today I went to the gym with friends. It helped alot. I did much better than the day before. I only did about 3 miles on the treadmill and I walked some of it, but I did it! I know it’s not great and definitely not a big leap towards a half marathon, but I feel like I need to give myself some slack and just do my best. I never intended to run the whole 13 miles, but I want to run my best run that day.

I gave myself a sticker on my workout calendar today. I’m trying to bring the positivity back.

home sweet home and back into it

I started back into my work out routine yesterday. I went to the rec center. I joined and paid for the exercise classes too. I basically just did the treadmill for about 3 miles. I ran/walked it.

Today I tried to do something different. I warmed up on the bike for 10 minutes. I stretched and got back on the bike for a few minutes. Then, I got on the treadmill and did about 16 – 18 minutes. I walked some of that. I am trying to not go below a pace of 4.5 and push it when I can.

I went and did my free weight exercises. I feel insecure about those. I don’t like doing them because of that. I am weak and I know part of that is I need to do more strength/weight training. My own mind is a deterrent bc I am focusing on running for the half marathon in a FEW WEEKS. I have also realized that the TRIATHLON is not far away either at April 11! I need to get swimming in with cycling! Not going to lie…feeling a little pressure. A little discouraged. I’m still pushing and giving myself credit for going and working out. I will keep the positivity coming as much as possible! lol

I finished my work out with 2 minutes on the bike and 3 on the treadmill. I was at the gym for a little over an hour and a half.

I wish I had lots of money! I would get a personal trainer and swim lessons!!!!!!

it’s so beautiful…I just CANT work out!

So I am in North Carolina visiting my friend. I have been here since the 29th. It’s quite cold – to the tune of 20s and 30s..BURR! I feel so out of whack with my workouts bc of the holidays and travelling, but I must give myself credit in that I did work out ONE day here!

On Wednesday my friend went to work a basketball game, so I asked him to drop me off at the recreation center. I got on the treadmill and off and on probably go tin 3 miles. I’m not sure. Mentally I was pretty self-defeating. Lame, I know. Once I finished my workout, I went outside for a walk. Did I mention mountains and 30 degrees?

I leave tomorrow and honestly probably wont work out until I get home. My sleep schedule is a mess!

Anyway, Happy New YEar to ALL!

Get your ass off the couch and change your life. You are the only one who can.